The Pressure of Life

Thursday, January 26, 2017

I feel like I'm failing in pretty much every aspect of my life. Although, for once I'm not failing on the friends front. But in every other aspect of my life, I just feel like I'm a failure. Work. Health. You name it.

I see other people on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, mainly that seem to have the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect home life etc, etc. And yes before you comment, the majority of us only upload our best bits to social media, I know this, I do. But this doesn't stop me from feeling deflated and feel like I'm not achieving everything I should of achieved by now.

I feel it's because this Summer I'm turning 21 and it's hit me how I've achieved nothing I wanted to do when I was younger. And I know it's very rare that a job you wanted when you was 13 is still your dream job years later, but everywhere I look people are doing things with their lives. They're settled, they're in relationships, some have even started families (although that's not what I want at this moment in my life), they have careers that they love. And I envy them. I do. And as much I try not to, I can't help it. I've never had a proper relationship and that's one of the thoughts that looms over me constantly. Does that make me weird? That I'm turning 21 soon and I still haven't had a proper boyfriend? Somewhere inside, I know it isn't weird but there's still a part of me that does. 

I'm stuck in a job I don't particularly love. But it allows me to see my friends and make memories and go on holiday, which is what I try to focus on when things are getting particularly frustrating. I still remember feeling over the moon when I got this job, oh how times change. Floristry has always been a passion of mine, even when I was in high school. Something about flowers being dotted around the house, the various types and colours of flowers and the smell is something I've always loved. I studied Floristry at college and then went onto study Business (although that course wasn't what I thought it was about) and whether it's because I was going through a tough time or jobs in Florist's are very hard to come by, I fell out of love with it. And it's only recently that I miss it and want to do something about it. I just wish it was easier said than done.

I don't even know how to really describe how I feel other than detached from life I guess? I don't know may be that's too deep for how I'm feeling but I feel if I was succeeding more in life, I'd be happier? I know that sounds stupid because anyone could have the most perfect job and all the money in the world and still feel unhappy, but that's how I see it from my point of view, were I don't feel successful. 

I do apologise for the rambly post but I feel everyone at one point feels like this? I probably could of worded this whole post better and maybe a little bit more professionally but I do like these kinda posts. In which feelings and words just pour out and make you feel a little better. I debated whether to post this or not, not sure whether a rambly post should ever make it onto my blog but friends said I should post it and well here it is. I hope someone, somewhere feels the same as I do sometimes because I'm sure I'm not alone. 

I'm not saying I'll never feel like this again, because no doubt I will, but something I know I should take from this post is that I need to stop feeling like I need to be on the same path and doing the same things at the exact same time as everyone else. At the end of the day, a number is just a number and just because I'm turning 21, doesn't mean I should have my life together. My age is my age and my life is my life. My journey shouldn't match anyone else's and that I should revel in the differences and enjoy where I am in my life at the moment. There's so much pressure on everyone to achieve certain things by a certain age and I think sometimes we just need to take a step back and realise that the way our life has mapped out up until now is for a reason entirely unknown to us right now, that we should never take life for granted and live in the moment. 

Now I'm off to get an early night (lol what are those). Over and Out.
1 comment on "The Pressure of Life"
  1. I know exactly what this feels like, but I'm constantly reminding myself that we only share our best bits online - that's why I don't feel so bad anymore, and it's made me realize how appreciative I am of all the small things like my family and friends.

    I'm 21 this Summer to, and I haven't even went to University or settled in a job that I love. Although... I'm hoping to go back to college and study Graphic Design and Photography this year. I suppose I've adopted this attitude that I won't get anything sitting on my backside haha!

    I hope that you can eventually figure things out, you should approach some of the flower shops and see if they are looking for staff, it would be a great way to get back into things x